Jason Varitek is toying with us. At the beginning of the season, during games in Japan, the Red Sox’ captain looked like he was swinging underwater. He started the season 0-8 with six strikeouts, prompting one of my buddies to text me and say, “Dude, Tek is through,” and boy did it seem that way. I’m not kidding, I was already pondering the idea that Seattle’s Kenji Johjima, who’s also in his walk year (and four years younger), would be a good replacement for Varitek behind the plate in Boston next year. I know, how dare you! But come on, have you witnessed the charade this season in the Bronx? Jorge Posada signed a four-year, $52 million deal with the Yankees in the offseason, and now the 36-year-old, who somehow channeled the ghost of in-his-prime Ted Simmons last year, has a dead arm. How dead? Well, there’s rumors that Mike Piazza, whose arm fell off in 1999, might be signed as insurance.

There, but for the grace of God, go us.

Jeff Goldberg of the Hartford Courant reported yesterday that the Red Sox have had no discussions with the Mets about swapping Coco Crisp for Angel Pagan, contradicting a report by WFAN’s Ed Coleman. Sox GM Theo Epstein termed the rumor a “fabrication,” and considering Pagan is a 26-year-old center fielder with marginal offensive skills (.255/.306/.415 in 318 career at-bats) and Coco Crisp is a 28-year-old center fielder with marginal offensive skills, it’s a pretty lame fabrication. I mean, who swaps light-hit, good-glove center fielders? And in this case, what would be the possible incentives for either side?

If you’re the Red Sox, I guess you’d like the idea of dumping a valuable, reasonably-priced player (Crisp) who said he wants to be traded if he’s not starting. If you’re the Mets, I guess you’d like the idea of obtaining a player (Crisp) who’s going to be riding the bench, demanding to be traded, when Carlos Beltran gets healthy. (If you’re Ed Coleman of WFAN, this all makes perfect sense.)