Apparently Boston kids aren’t learning to hate at an early enough age. Enter Ben Affleck, who’ll voice “Red Sox Baby,” a DVD available April 17 ($19.99), which will teach your kids how to enunciate “Jeter sucks” and “Pettitte, can your dad get me some HGH?” The DVD will also teach children how to count, steal (bases, I assume) and dip smokeless tobacco.

Here’s the Channel 7 news story.

(Note: These videos will be available for all teams except the Expos.)