Yesterday, for the first time in recent memory, I asked myself a soul-coughing question: Am I rooting for the Yankees to beat the Rays? To quote David Byrne of Talking Heads, “How did I get here?”

The pecking order in the American League East has been more or less undisturbed for a decade. It’s pretty much gone Yankees, Red Sox, Blue Jays, Orioles, Devil Rays. Sure, the Red Sox have won two World Series titles in the last four years, and some of the bottom feeders have swapped musical chairs, but the Yankees won the division title every single year from 1998 to 2006, while the Red Sox finished second from 1998 to 2005. In short, no team besides New York or Boston has been a legitimate threat in the American League East since Jeffrey Maier was in grammar school. Now it’s mid May and the Yankees are in last, the Rays are in first, the Earth has tottered off its axis, and I don’t know who I’m supposed to be rooting for.

Listen, I’m totally lost for words. Actually, I could say a few things, but being reprimanded would be the inevitable conclusion. So, I choose to look the way of the pink hats and think everything is fine and dandy.

One thing I have to say is that the Boston Red Sox should buy space on the front and back pages of every newspaper in this city and issue a thank you to the individuals in charge of the Spygate “probe” trash. Because if Spygate wasn’t the main topic these days, the Sox would be getting lambasted by every media outlet in New England, thought I’d drop a hint.

We all know the Sox dropped both games in their pressure packed two-game series with the Orioles, so I thought I’d make this short and sweet, just like the breathing room the Sox will have once the C’s and Spygate drop from the headlines. Viva la Lowrie!

I’m not a big fan of second-guessing managers. After all, successful moves are usually overlooked, so it’s unfair to highlight the moves that get burned. That said, I need someone to explain why it was a good decision to remove Craig Hansen from the ballgame yesterday and replace him with Hideki Okajima. Sure, hindsight is 20/20, and Hansen has been inconsistent and Okajima has been an All-Star. But it STILL didn’t make sense.

First of all, Hansen had just battled Brian Roberts in a great at-bat. Sure, Roberts had worked a walk, but it’s not like Hansen’s control was all over the place. Roberts kept fouling off good pitches.

Hansen came into the game and allowed a single to the catcher, then fought Roberts to a full count. Ultimately, the payoff pitch barely missed, Roberts walked, and Hansen was in line to face Jay Payton, a righty, with the bases loaded. Hansen, whose role in the bullpen has obviously taken on greater importance with the departure of Julian Tavarez, needed to get out of this situation – for his long-term confidence and, in turn, the long-term benefit of the team. Instead, replacement coach Brad Mills takes out Hansen, replaces him with Okajima, and Payton hits a grand slam. I don’t know what the statistics say about bringing in a cold pitcher with the bases loaded, but I’m pretty sure they suck. Why? Because the guy is cold, so he wants to be sure to get the ball over the plate. Well, Okajima certainly succeeded in that – it was a big fat leg of lamb and Payton gnawed it off and tossed it.

In 36 innings against the Minnesota Twins, the Sox conceded 25 runs to their power-laden bats. Yeah ok! This time around, the losses can be solely attributed to the horrendous pitching performances by starting pitchers Jon Lester, Tim Wakefield and Clay Buchholz. In a total of 12 1/3 innings of work between the three, they notched a combined ERA of 11.68! Are you kidding? Not to mention, closer Jonathan Papelbon blew a save. The only positive to speak of was how lively Boston’s bats were.

Third baseman Mike Lowell went 6-for-17 (.353) with one home run, four RBIs and three runs scored. He has hit safely in six consecutive contests and looks fully recovered from the thumb injury that landed him on the disabled list.

First baseman Kevin Youkilis continued his breakout year. He went 6-for-15 (.400) in three games with one home run, three RBIs and three runs scored. He continues to maintain a fluid stroke that screams keen batting prowess. In my mind, Youkilis has morphed into one of the best hitters in the game and is as valuable at the plate as outfielder Manny Ramirez and designated hitter David Ortiz.

Apparently the time is now for Red Sox’ reliever Craig Hansen, whose role in the bullpen will come into greater relief with the ouster of Julian Tavarez, who’s been designated for assignment. So, are we confident about this maneuver? Are we happy to see Tavarez and his 6.39 ERA jettisoned in favor of Hansen and his 6.23 ERA? I guess it all depends on the Hansen we get. After all, he’s only pitched in two games (2 and 2/3 innings of work), while Tavarez spread his demon seed across nine games and 12.7 innings.

In his brief work this season, Hansen has shown flashes of brilliance digestibility, which is more than you could say for Tavarez, who’s pitched admirably in the past but seemed to be throwing batting practice of late. Hansen had ESPN’s Steve Philips and Orel Hershiser drooling on each other during last week’s Detroit series, when his off-speed pitches were snapping across “multiple planes,” a phrase Hershiser mentioned at least 13 times in one inning. Discussed much less was Hansen’s ordeal with sleep apnea, which apparently caused him to snore, toss and turn, and look perpetually stoned. According to reports, that condition has now been rectified, although Hansen still looks like someone who’d bogart the spleef (like he did as Pickford in “Dazed and Confused”). Whether he can bogart big situations remains to be seen.

I spend a lot of time perusing the statistics pages at Baseball-Reference.com, looking for story ideas or killing time, so I’m often amused by the paid sponsors of each respective page. Here’s the deal: For $3 to $5 (on average), you can sponsor your favorite player, manager, or team for one year, while advertising your company, Web site, or personal allegiance. For instance, Derek Jeter’s page is sponsored by Hot Stove New York, which plugs itself as “The one-stop destination for New York sports,” and Jason Varitek’s page is sponsored by FenwayFanatics.com.

And who sponsors Red Sox shortstop Julio Lugo? Yankee fans, of course.

Hey, you have to give them props. I checked Lugo’s page last week (while researching players who run like their butt’s on fire) and whoever runs this iYankees blog had written something like, “Have to love a Sox player whose on-base percentage is under .300.”

Touche. Can I suggest a future entry? “Somehow played shortstop on back-to-back World Series winners.”

Lo and behold, Lugo’s not the only Sox player who’s sponsored by fans from an opposing team. Think you can guess the other guys? Here are the sponsor pages and tributes for the key members of the 2008 Red Sox. Personally, my favorites are the sponsors for Youkilis, Casey and Lopez.

Wow! Did the Sox look good or what in their four-game set with the Detroit Tigers? I mean, they outscored the cats 25-14 and were a Julio Lugo error away from taking out the brooms and sweeping the kitty litter under the tarp.

So yeah, our nice overpaid backup, I mean starting shortstop Julio Lugo stinks like a college student’s shower towel. This is the same guy that’s taking playing time away from Jed Lowrie, the same guy that has 10 errors as of May 9 and the same chap that needs to be demoted to Pawtucket’s equipment room.

Does anyone reading this agree that the signings of outfielder J.D. Drew and Lugo were two of the worst free-agent acquisitions that you can remember on this team? I know we win, I know that the front office knows how to construct a team through the draft, but they have no clue how to sign guys. I mean, Matt Clement anyone? We still could have starting pitcher Derek Lowe for that money. Oh, just so you know, over his three full seasons with the Dodgers, Lowe has recorded a combined 3.70 ERA in 639 1/3 innings of work.

I’m not in the habit of giving Julio Lugo the benefit of the doubt, but last night’s fielding gaffe — his league-leading 10th error of the year — is completely understandable. Why? Because it’s Julio Lugo, and I’ve come to expect this of him. He remains the lone Red Sox regular from last year’s team who’s never earned the fans’ respect. Whether that’s fair or not is beside the point: You either have the fans’ respect or you have people throwing up their hands in disgust, shouting, “(Bleeping) Lugo, of course!”

Now I could have let the bad vibes from last night’s loss infiltrate my brain, leading me to write a column about Jed Lowrie, the Red Sox’ shortstop of the future, i.e., the starter in all games going forward (hope, hope). But that would have been knee-jerk and dispiriting. Instead, I chose to watch baseball bloopers, which serve to remind me that Julio Lugo isn’t the only fielder who bobs around like a wounded wildebeest. So, try to enjoy the following compilation. My favorite comes early, when the Royals’ first baseman buries the relay throw into the pitcher’s face. Even Lugo hasn’t done that.

Well, not yet anyway.

These Baseball Tonight commercials are like Forrest Gump meets Frank Drebin of Police Squad, i.e., Gammons, Ravech and Kruk influencing some of the most memorable moments in baseball history (Bobby Thomson’s home run in the 1951 playoff, Joba Chamberlain’s bug problem in last year’s playoffs), and doing it by being complete morons. Below we have Karl Ravech explaining his role in Curt Schilling’s infamous sock.

Ha-sterical.

Man, I can’t wait for Baseball Tonight’s re-creation of Babe Ruth’s called shot. It’ll probably have him pointing at a naked Linda Cohn, saying “I’d hit that!”

Or not.

Entering yesterday’s game against the Tampa Bay Rays, Red Sox shortstop Julio Lugo was hitting an anemic .188 against former teammate Scott Kazmir, with six strikeouts in 16 at-bats. His three hits? All singles. In short, Kazmir owns Lugo, and Lugo knows it, which might explain why Julio glared at Kazmir for several moments after the lefty flamethrower dismissed him with a second inning strikeout in yesterday’s game, on the 10th pitch of the at-bat.

The look in this picture is not the respectful nod of a man who’s just been bested in a fair fight. It’s the bitter face of a man who’s just been struck out for the seventh time in 17 career at-bats…by a former teammate he doesn’t seem to like. Unfortunately, Lugo drew a walk in his next (and last) at-bat against Kazmir, when a strikeout might have made him snap completely. Guess we’ll have to wait for the next Sox-Rays series, scheduled for June 3-5 at Fenway.