Random List of the Week

NBA players who’ve impressed me (on different levels) during the playoffs:

PG: Chris Paul, New Orleans - The superstar who’s entered completely unchartered territory in terms of potential. If someone told me today that Paul will retire with five championship rings, I couldn’t argue.

SG: Rodney Stuckey - The unpolished rookie who’s coming into his own in just enough time to be ready to potentially torture the Celtics in the conference finals. I hate that I’m automatically going to have to hate him because he’s on the Pistons. Seems like a dude I’d enjoy rooting for. Pretty much the same way I feel about Al Horford in this Hawks series.

SF: Devin Brown, Cleveland - The random role player who’s I’ve inexplicably liked all year. Not sure what it is about Brown but I’ve always enjoyed his game. Although part of it might be because half the time he’s on the court I mistake him for Lebron.

PF: Luis Scola - The foreign-born player who I enjoy watching which says a lot because I’ve grown to dislike watching many foreign born players. The Spurs gave Scola away because he didn’t fit in with their philosophy, and thought little enough of him to have no problem dealing him within the conference.

C: Chris Bosh, Toronto - The budding superstar who is ready to claim superstar status. The Raptors might have gotten owned by the Magic, but it wasn’t because of Bosh. Even in defeat, his 39-point, 15-rebound performance is Game 4 was one of the best I’ve seen all season.

(Note: What do you think the record would be of an NBA team that trotted out this starting five? In the Eastern Conference, I think they’d be a four or five seed.)

(Note 2: I don’t really hate all foreign players. I love Dirk, Nocioni, Calderon, Kirilenko, etc., but my hatred for Manu sometimes takes over and I end up making ridiculous generalizations. Sorry for that.)

Loser of the Week: Doc Rivers

I’m not going to try and not be too reactionary here.

They say you can only pass judgment on the info you have at hand, and here’s what we have on Doc so far this year:

Off the court, he’s been ideal. He was integral in the development of a team chemistry which most pundits felt would be the Celtics biggest down fall but ended up being one of their greatest strengths. But when we’re talking about actual in-game coaching, (adjustments, rotation, etc), there was never anything that impressive. Then again, it didn’t have to be. There wasn’t a night over all 82 games when the Celtics weren’t the most talented team on the court, and in the regular season that counts for a lot.

But here’s what got me: When people talk of Bill Belichick’s greatness, they always bring up his record when playing a team for the second time in a season. (No, sorry. First they make any unfunny cheating joke, and then they bring that up). Before the last Super Bowl, it was a given that if you played Patriots earlier in the year, you had no shot of winning the second time around. Belichick had/has the unique ability to critique his own game plan, realize what didn’t work, figure out what, in turn, will work, and make the adjustments.

In 2007-08, Doc Rivers was the anti-Belichick.

Of the Celtics 16 losses, seven came at the hands of three teams (Washington, Orlando and Cleveland). Another came against Charlotte, which didn’t beat the Celtics earlier, but had a game won before Ray Allen’s ridiculous three. Five more losses came to Toronto, Utah, Golden State, Denver and Philadelphia. In each case, the Celtics had played and defeated the team at an earlier date.

That leaves only three games/losses - Detroit, at Phoenix and at New Orleans - where the Celtics played a team once, lost, and then rebounded at a later point to avenge it.

A similar scenario arose on Monday night, The Celtics were coming off a tough loss the Hawks on Saturday. They were up 10 points in the fourth, and had a chance to essentially slam the door on the series. They couldn’t do it, and that was in large part due to Rivers’ inability to manage his roster and adjust to what Atlanta was doing-even if it was something as simple as “Hey, let’s give the ball to Joe Johnson and let him go one of five every time.”

I’m no longer worried about this series (even if they lose tonight, there’s no way the Hawks win a game in Boston) and I still like them to at the very least reach the conference finals. But judging by the information at hand, I don’t know how Celtics fans can be confident in Doc’s ability to win a close game in the playoffs or really even overcome any serious adversity in a big playoff series. Yeah, I know, it’s the players who ultimately win or lose these games, but its the coach’s job to put his players in the best position to win, and you can’t be sure Doc will do that.

(Note: Speaking of coaches, is Michael Jordan really going to sabotage another NBA team? He was a mess in Washington, and hiring Larry Brown brings him yet another step closer to doing the same in Charlotte. I realize that in large part, Brown helps the Bobcats sell tickets, and you know they need that, but after last year, the Cats look like they’re are on the verge of building something decent. They need a coach who will help them along the way, be stern but also sympathetic to the inevitable growing pains a young guy faces in the league and also someone they can relate and feel comfortable talking to. Larry Brown is none of those things. He’s a stubborn old school guy who will be there for two years and then quit to take more money somewhere else. And when he does, the Bobcats will be no better than they are now.)

(Note 2: Looking back on Jordan’s time in Washington, there’s one glaringly hilarious string of transactions. It’s right before the 2002 season and at this point Jordan’s back playing and “technically” no longer running the team, but it’s fair to say that he’s still the guy making most of the decisions. It’s also fair to that the Wizards probably should have been looking to the future. They had drafted Kwame Brown a year before (and he was still supposed to be great), had another promising big man in Brendan Haywood and a 23-year old Rip Hamilton, who’d just cracked the 20-ppg barrier for the first time in his career.

Coming off a 35-47 year, things weren’t great, but they were looking up. Here’s what the Wizards did in the month leading up to the 2002 season:

September 10, 2002: Signed free agent forward Bryon Russell (32 years old), who had been with the Utah Jazz, to a two-year contract.

September 12, 2002: Traded guards Richard Hamilton (23) and Hubert Davis and forward Bobby Simmons to the Detroit Pistons for guard Jerry Stackhouse (28 and a ball hog) and forwards Brian Cardinal and Ratko Varda.

September 17, 2002: Named Patrick Ewing assistant coach - this is just funny because Ewing (as anyone who watched the Ahmad Rashad Show last year can attest to) is an absolute moron.

October 12, 2002: Signed forward Charles Oakley (39).

Good Stuff, MJ.

In the Wizards defense, they did get a little younger earlier that summer they signed Larry “I play to enjoy myself, some people take this the wrong way, but winning a championship is not what I base everything on” Hughes. Um, yeah.

Winner of the Week: Jon Lester

Here’s what I love about Lester. He just goes out and pitches. You don’t have to coddle him like Buchholz (even though he’s only about six months older and not even two years removed from cancer) or worry about his confidence like Dice-K (even though Lester has a far less impressive body of work from which to draw confidence from). When his spot in the rotation comes up, you don’t worry about anything. You know he’s going to give a solid effort. There won’t be much flair, but there also won’t be any unnecessary drama.

While his numbers aren’t terrific (or even close for that matter), Lester’s been a stable presence this season on a staff which has been about as a reliable as the old “It’s ok. I won’t get pregnant. I know my own cycle REALLY well” method of birth control.

And his performance last Tuesday night proves that even though he isn’t as high-maintenance as the other prospects, he still has the potential to be just as effective.

Commercial Success of the Week: NBA and Iron Man.

Last week, I admitted to secretly disliking the NBA half face commercials even though it’s the type of thing I typically love. This week, the reversed happened with the NBA on TNT/Iron Man cross promotion. I hate when the league does this. They take an institution as great and storied as the NBA Playoffs and sell it out for some Hollywood crap (although, I’m starting to think Iron Man might be awesome). Anyway, I wanted to hate this commercial, and I did the first couple times, but now I can’t get enough. Unfortunately, it’s no where to be found online (if you know where it is, please throw it in up in the comment section), but here are the two scenes that got me:

1. “They say the best weapon is the one you only need to fire once” - as Dirk drains a three.

2. “Yeah, I can fly” - as Kobe rocks a 360 in traffic.

(Note: I also strongly want to dislike another of the commercials TNT’s running into the ground - the new Dockers San Francisco ad - but I can’t do it. The song is terrific; especially the beginning.

(Note 2: If you want the whole song, it’s called California Soul by Marlena Shaw.

.

Although personally, I think Dockers made a good choice stopping when they did. The tune definitely goes down hill from there. If this song were Christian Laettner’s career, Dockers cut the music right after his senior year in college.)

Link of the Week:

Just because I feel bad about talking so much trash about His Airness.

“Prediction for Next Week” of the Week: Celtics in seven!

See You Next Friday

Rich Levine is a sports columnist from the Improper Bostonian. You can also check out Rich’s Podcast “The Dino Radja Experience”, on ComcastSportsNet.com.

Potenital Lawsuit of the Week:
So either Time Magazine or the NBA needs to sue somebody. For Time’s sake, I hope it was their idea first. You don’t want any piece of David Stern in the court room. He’d own 51% of the magazine after seven minutes in court.

I feel like I’m supposed to really like those half-face NBA Playoff commercials, but I never really did and they got old pretty quickly. But just for fun, here would have been my ideal (from a purely comedy stand point) half-face match-ups for each series-please consider both looks and voices.

Lakers/Nuggets: Ronny Turiaf and Eduardo Najera
Hornets/Mavericks: Peja Stojakovic and Erick Dampier
Spurs/Suns: Manu Ginobli and Boris Diaw
Jazz/Rockets: Kyle Korver and Dikembe Mutombo
Celtics/Hawks: Glen Davis and Josh Childress
Pistons/Sixers: Tayshaun Prince and Samuel Dalembert
Magic/Raptors; Adonal Foyle and Jose Calderon
Cav/Wizards: Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Darius Songalia

Loser of the Week: Mike Bibby

Here’s what bothered me most about Bibby’s statements after Game 1. It’s not so much what he said, but that he made such a weak attempt to motivate his team.

Bibby was brought to Atlanta to lead the Hawks but he clearly wasn’t up to it. Sure he helped them sneak into the playoffs, but he doesn’t have control over that team. Marvin Williams doesn’t look at Bibby like Leon Powe does with KG, Pierce, Ray Allen or even Sam Cassell. So after Game 1, when it was clear that he needed to say something to light a fire under the Hawks, he sort of mailed it in. He knows it probably doesn’t matter and was probably afraid his sister would kick his hive he said anything too harsh.

It really didn’t sound like Bibby even believed what he was saying. It was almost like the end of practice snuck up on him, and he completely forgot to brainstorm about what to say, so just went with, “Oh right, um, well remember last year, when the Celtics lost 18 straight, had the worst record in the league and at were at one point blatantly throwing games? Yeah, well, they didn’t have as many fans then as they do now, after winning 66 games and having the best record in the league.”

That’s just a ridiculous argument. Of course, there are some fair-weather fans in the current crop. But that’s the case with every team in the league. There’s not one franchise that would sell out every game with a display like the Celtics put on last season. I don’t consider Knicks fans fair-weather because they hate their franchise right now. That’s what happens when you put so much into something and repeatedly get screwed - which is how a lot of Celtics fans felt the last 10 years.

But regardless, the fans that are coming out to the Garden for these playoffs games, I would say for the most part, aren’t of the fair-weather variety. They’re the same people who were still watching every night when the C’s were awful. On the other hand, the Hawks are actually good enough to make the playoffs and they still don’t sell out there games.

Making it all worse, of course, is that Bibby’s no longer good enough to back up his talk, and is just another daily reminder to Hawks of what could have been with Chris Paul.

I’m actually thinking about custom making a Chris Paul Hawks jersey and wearing it down to Atlanta for game four.

(Note: This video isn’t without its slow points, but it’s a kind of cool compilation of the 1997 Sweet Sixteen game between Bibby’s Arizona Wildcats and Paul Pierce’s (and Scot Pollard’s!!) Kansas Jayhawks.

Bibby won this one, but maybe they can call it even after another two games

Winner of the Week: Jacoby Ellsbury

A couple months ago, I was more than OK with the prospect of trading Ellsbury for Johan Santana. The kid had only played two months worth of Major League baseball, and any time you can turn a relatively unproven guy for the best pitcher of the last 10 years, you have to do it. Fast forward to present time, and there’s no way I make that deal. Ellsbury’s a game changer like the Sox haven’t had since, well, as long as I can remember. At 25, he’s a little older than some of the game’s first class prospects (he’s got three months on Hanley Ramirez, who’s now in his third season of being one of the best hitters in the game), but it’s clear that he’s going to be a big time star. When’s the last time the Sox had a guy who could put up stat lines like this on back-to-back days?

2 for 4, 2 runs, 2 SB, 1 RBI
3 for 5, 3 runs, 2 HR, 2 RBI

Or how about a guy that’s been the inspiration for so many weird, stalker you tube videos like this:

Three years from now, I’m betting that Ellsbury is one of the three most popular athletes in Boston.

Prediction for Next Week of the Week: Darren McFadden goes to the Jets at No. 6.

I pray to God that Oakland takes him at No. 4 and this doesn’t become a reality but I just have this weird feeling that McFadden’s going to be on the Jets.

Sort of unrelated, but did anyone see the report on McFadden that Michael Smith did for ESPN the other week? It essentially highlighted McFadden’s tough up bring (he was one of 12 children and his mother was a crack addict.), some of the mistakes he’s made recently (a couple of serious bar fights) and tried to investigate how much any of it might effect his draft position. Anyway, here’s a paraphrasing of one scene from the interview.

Pan to McFadden’s Mom, sitting in the kitchen:

“I know I was addicted, but it was never that big of a deal. I always made sure my kids had food on the table and a roof over their heads. That was important to me.”

Cut to McFadden:

“Oh man, it was a huge problem. You know, not having things because mom was always spending our money on crack.”

OK, there’s seriously nothing funny about what’s being said here, but after seeing it, I couldn’t help but think about that old SNL skit where Tiger Woods (played by Tim Meadows) and Earl Woods (played by Tracy Morgan) are interviewed after Tiger won his first masters. Of course the clip’s nowhere to be found, but I did find a transcript (http://snltranscripts.jt.org/96/96rbiography.phtml) that captures the hilarity pretty well.

Link of the Week: http://www.oxygen.com/tvshows/deionpilar/?affiliate=hp_promo1_DeionPilar

So during my search for the Tiger Woods video I came across an ad for the above show. A better man may have had the strength to resist temptation but I couldn’t stop myself-even though it was clear that the show is on Oxygen. What followed was either the best 1:41 of my life, or the worst. I’m still not sure. Enjoy!
See You Next Week

You can also read sports columns by Rich Levine in the Improper Bostonian.

Announcement of the Week: NFL Schedule

Here are three quick thoughts on the Pats 2008 campaign.

• There are essentially two pre-seasons this year with the Pats kicking off the regular season with games against Kansas City, NYJ and Miami, a bye week and then a game at San Francisco. Let’s start getting mentally prepared now and promise not to make too big a deal if the Pats start 4-0 again with an average win margin of 30 points.

• The Pats follow up their Week 5 match-up at the Niners with a Week 6 contest at San Diego. Not only will this be the first overhyped, overanalyzed, storylines-beaten-like-a-dead-horse-game of the season but also brings up the biggest problem I have with this year’s calendar. Twice this season, the team plays back-to-back games on the west coast (these two weeks, and Weeks 14 and 15 when they play at Oakland and Seattle). How rare is something like this in the NFL? It’s been 25 years since the Pats and played even ONE back-to-back on the west coast! (They finished 1983 with games at LA and Seattle.) That doesn’t seem fair. Maybe Bridget Moynahan paid off the NFL to make it so Tom Brady would have to spend more time with his kid.

• Here are the Pats five opponents in the month of November: at IND, BUF, NYJ, at MIA and PIT. That’s got to be the most intense month of regular season football of all-time. And I think there’s only one way to top it off:

Sunday Night, Nov. 30.
9 pm, under the lights at Gillette
3 on 3, no holds barred death match.
Belichick/Pioli/Kraft vs. Walsh/Specter/Tomase.

Biggest Loser of the Week: NESN

I don’t have the exact numbers, but I’m guessing that NESN doesn’t have the easiest time drawing viewers to its Bruins telecasts. Hell, I spend about 10 hours a day watching sports on TV and honestly didn’t watch the Bruins once this season. And I know I’m not alone.

But with the B’s surprising surge into the playoffs, I thought NESN had a chance. No matter how indifferent the majority of Boston fans might be about the Bruins, everyone wants them to do well in the playoffs. Everyone will actively root for them in the playoffs. And most importantly, more people are going to want to WATCH them in the playoffs. Combine this with the fact that hockey is probably the most HD friendly sports in the world, and like I said, I think NESN really had a chance to right the ship and help build a little love for the B’s. Unfamiliar fans, would fall in love with the HD coverage, maybe get to know more about the team and think, “You know, this is kind of cool. I might be ready to become a Bruins fan again next season.”

Then they made this decision:

I can’t understand it on any level.

You really expect the city to take the Bruins seriously when you bump the absolute biggest game of the season for the fifth Red Sox/Yankees game of the last seven days?

And how does this work for NESN from a marketing perspective? They aren’t going to lose any viewers by putting the Red Sox game in standard definition. Most Sox fans would watch a game on a 13-inch black-and-white TV if they had to. But I’m guessing there’s a boatload of fans who would’ve watched a Bruins game in HD but tuned out when it was presented in all its mangled low-def glory. For a very casual hockey fan (I’m sure there are die hards who love it unconditionally), putting hockey in HD is like adding milk to cereal. It goes from a pretty crappy and boring snack to a pretty awesome viewing/eating option.

But you know what? None of that should even matter: This is the playoffs! It’s a disgrace that NESN would screw over Bruins fans like that.

I don’t even consider myself a Bruins fan and I’m insulted.
Winner of the Week: Manny Ramirez

As big of a pain in the ass Manny can be at times, there are very few things in sports as enjoyable as watching him at the plate during one of his trademark hot streaks. It’s like watching Slash play the guitar or Rain Man count cards. You watch him on a stretch like this and really start to believe he might have been put on Earth for the sole purpose of hitting a baseball. He doesn’t even seem human-well, he never seems human, but at these times he’s more robot than alien.

Prediction foe Next Week of the Week: NBA Playoff Edition

I’m 0 for my last two predictions here on Wicked Weekly. When faced with that type of adversity, a lesser man would look for an easy way out. Maybe he’d courageously predict that Kevin Garnett would win the Defensive Player of the Year or that a Kenyan would win Monday’s Boston Marathon. Not me, however. I’m going the other way, and will predict the outcome of every NBA Playoff series.

(Note: Thanks to the unbearable nature of the NBA Playoff schedule these first round series won’t wrap up for at least two weeks, but they’re starting now, so I’m predicting now.)

Western Conference

(1) Lakers vs. (8) Denver

Prediction: Lakers 4-1
Series MVP: Kobe Bryant
Secondary Prediction: Kobe nets 40 twice.
Headline You’ll Read: Lakers score nearly 1000 points in five games to take out Nuggets
Headline You Won’t: “Carmelo declares, ‘Dude, I’m not even buzzed. Gimme back my keys’ at Nuggets end of the year send off party.”

(2) New Orleans vs. (7) Dallas

Prediction: Hornets 4-2
Series MVP: Chris Paul
Secondary Prediction: Paul out triple doubles Jason Kidd
Headline You’ll Read: “Upstart Hornets prove to much for ailing Dirk and the Mavs
Headline You Won’t: After frustrating Game 6 loss, Jason Kidd’s girlfriend announces ‘I am terrified for when Jason comes home tonight.’”

(3) San Antonio vs. (6) Phoenix

Prediction: Spurs 4-3
Series MVP: Amare Stoudamire (in defeat)
Secondary Prediction: Shaq manages no more than 25 minutes in any game.
Headline You’ll Read: “Bowen criticallyinjures Nash, Barbosa and Bell; Spurs win.”
Headline You Won’t: “Duncan delivers emotional halftime speech; wills Spurs to miraculous win.”

(4) Utah vs. (5) Houston

Prediction: Jazz 4-2
Series MVP: Carlos Boozer
Secondary Prediction: Deron Williams average 25 and 10 assists
Headline You’ll Read: “Seventh time not a charm: T-Mac still 0 for the Playoffs”
Headline You Won’t: “Boozer credits obscene chest hair and serious sweating problem for Rockets loose defense.”

Eastern Conference

(1) Boston vs. (8) Atlanta

Prediction: Celtics 4-0
Series MVP: Paul Pierce
Secondary Prediction: Rondo outscores, rebounds and assists Bibby for the series.
Headline You’ll Read: “C’s cruise through the ATL.”
Headline You Won’t: “This is Zaza’s (http://www.nba.com/playerfile/zaza_pachulia/) world. We’re all just living in it.”

(Note: If you google the name Zaza, Zaza Pachula’s page is the 14th hit. I would have bet $20 that he’d at least have been Top 3. Who knew there was so much Zaza in the world?)

(2) Detroit vs. (8) Philadelphia

Prediction: Pistons 4-2
Series MVP: Rasheed Wallace
Secondary Prediction: Kobe scores 40 twice in five games
Headline You’ll Read: “Sixers give Pistons a scare, but come up short.”
Headline You Won’t: “Hamilton removes mask, but sadly only reveals a second, uglier mask.”

(3) Orlando vs. (6) Toronto

Prediction: Magic 4-3
Series MVP: Hedo Turkoglu
Secondary Prediction: Turkoglu, Rashard Lewis and Dwight Howard all average more than 20 points a game.
Headline You’ll Read: “Magic Make Raptors Extinct”
Headline You Won’t: “Rasho Nesterovic not ready to hand over title of NBA’s Greatest Center.”

(4) Cleveland vs. (5) Washington

Prediction: Cavs 4-2
Series MVP: Lebron James
Secondary Prediction: Lebron averages a triple double
Headline You’ll Read: “Cavs’ one man show proves too much for the Wizards”
Headline You Won’t: “Lebron cites Szczerbiak’s heart and determination as the secret to Cleveland’s success.”

Link of the Week: http://slideroll.com/show.php?s=04but1h0

A couple months ago I created my own NBA Where Amazing Happens video (I’m pretty sure I’m the only person in the country who had this idea). Anyway, with the playoffs on the horizon, now seems like a good a time to share it with the masses. Also, in case you forgot, Scot Skiles was fired over Christmas. That’s the joke there.

See You Next Week

Rich Levine is a sports columnist for the Improper Bostonian.

Strangest Threesome of the Week: David McCarty, Curtis Leskanic and Brian Daubach.

Honestly, what the hell was that all about? You’re celebrating Boston as the city of champions. You have a collection of ex-Bruins led by Bobby Orr, a group of Celtics led by Bill Russell and John Havlicek, and a group of Patriots led by Tedy Bruschi. And then, representing the 2004 Red Sox - the team whose title probably meant more to Boston than all the other combined - and you trot out Curtis Leskanic, David McCarty and Brian Daubach.

I’m guessing they didn’t make these arrangements anytime around April Fool’s Day, because if I’m Leskanic there is no way I’m buying this phone call:

“Curtis, baby. It’s the Red Sox. So listen, Opening Day, we’re having this big get together. We’ve got conformations from Bill Russell, John Havlicek, Danny Ainge, Bobby Orr and Tedy Bruschi, and, OK, we know this is a stretch, but we were kind of hoping you’d come represent the 2004 Red Sox. It only feels right. And if it sweetens the pot at all, you won’t be alone. We’re in negotiations right now to have David McCarty and Brian Daubach on board as well.”

Granted, this had to be a tough situation for the Sox. Anyone of significance from the 2004 team is still active and thus unavailable. But would it have been so bad to have Papi and Manny walk out with the trophy? Who cares if they’re still on the team? Or what about Schilling? He’s got nothing to do. For me, the ridiculousness of McCarty, Leskanic and Daubach actually put a little damper on an otherwise surreal ceremony.

It was like seeing Stone Temple Pilots, Pearl Jam and the Chili Peppers perform consecutively and then having the PA announcer introduce Nelson as the final act.

(Note: Do you think Ramiro Mendoza turned down the Sox invitation to come to Fenway, or was he next on the list if Leskanic said no? I want to go with the latter, but then again, Dauber had only 72 at-bats the entire 2004 season - and last played with the team on June 9 - so it’s not like you could have considered Mendoza a step down (at least he pitched in the playoffs) And worst case scenario it would’ve given us an excuse to yell, “Mendddddooozzzaaa!!!!” when they called his name.)

(Note 2: Just because there’s no such thing as too much Nelson.

Try to stick this one out as long as you can; it’s pretty hilarious all the way through. If anything, check out the move one of the guys pulls at the 2:08 mark.)

Loser of the Week: Fenway Park

I don’t need to explain all the things I love about Fenway; I love it for the same reasons as everyone else. But for all that the old park give us in the way of nostalgia, history and aesthetics, there are about 15,000 things about it that drive me nuts.

There’s the crappy seats, the lack of circulation that makes it impossible to get to your seats on time unless you arrive 40 minutes before the first pitch, the absence of interesting scoreboard statistics or gimmicks, the weak speakers, the new Alcohol Conduct Supervisors - a crew of dudes who look like a mix between Super Troopers and Koopa Troopers and walk around wearing bright yellow jackets and giving death stares to rowdy drunks.

The list goes on, but of all Fenway’s shortcomings, here’s what kills me the most: Replays.

When you’re at a baseball game (or any sporting event) the importance of scoreboard replays can’t be overstated. There’s a lot you miss sitting up in the stands. If a line drive down the line is called foul, you want to know exactly how close it was to being fair. If a pitcher walks a guy on a full count, you want to see exactly how much he missed by. If a runner is safe on a bang-bang play, you’d like to see exactly what happened (Was it a bad throw? Did he miss the tag?). Are these pieces of info a necessity to enjoying the game? Of course not, but the technology’s there; it makes for a better viewing experience; no one would be opposed to it. It’s an easy decision. Show more replays.

But unfortunately, the Red Sox treat the scoreboard at Fenway like they’re collecting clips for some middle school year in review highlight video. All they show are the hunky dory hometown cheerleader replays. Guys hitting homeruns, making diving plays, stealing bases, but there’s so much more that they’re neglecting to provide the fans.

Remember on Opening Day when David Ortiz missed a grand slam by about a foot down the right field line? Never saw it. The biggest play of a game I was at and I missed it. I didn’t see it live because my seats are about half way down the first baseline, and from that angle you can’t see anything that happens down passed Pesky Pole. That’s fine though. It’s one of the breaks of the park. But what isn’t fine is that because it’s not a rah-rah play, the Sox don’t feel the need to show it.

It doesn’t have to be big plays with either. In the second inning of that same game, Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers got called for a balk. At this point, I’d love to see exactly what he did to balk. But I’m sitting about 50 feet away. I can hardly make out his uniform number, so I’m sure as hell not able to determine whether he hesitated in his motion or was leaning towards first base when he threw the pitch. I just don’t see the harm in showing the fans what happened. It’s a lot more interesting than telling them for the fifth straight season that Kevin Youkilis played college baseball at Cincinnati or wishing little Timmy a “Happy 8^th birthday!!!” for the seventh time.

And what’s with refusing to reshow any even semi-controversial plays? Does the organization really think that Sox fans are so rabid that proof of a bad call will send all 35,000 into a psychopathic frenzy? Well, it won’t. Patriot fans are infinitely more intense than the crew you see at Fenway, and if a referee blows a call at Gillette, they’ll show it 15 times in a row. It’s part of the game, but sometime over the course of the wimpification of Red Sox Nation (where there are pink hats, shows called Sox Appeal and fake presidential elections), the team forgot that some people are at the game because they really like baseball and might want a little more than puppy dogs and ice cream.

(Note: One thing I love about Fenway this year? The hawk that attacked that girl a couple weeks ago. They may have done away with its nest, but Andre is definitely not done with Fenway. He spent most of Opening Day flying laps around the stadium and freaking out fans that were convinced they’d be the next victim. He’s got the potential to become one of the great characters in Red Sox history.

(Note 2: I’ve nicknamed him Andre in honor of the last great hawk to roam Fenway: Andre Dawson. Tell your friends.)

Winner of the Week: JD Drew

OK, it’s early. Anytime David Ortiz is hitting .083, Kevin Youkilis leads the league in triples and Josh Beckett’s got an ERA in the .900s, you can’t jump to any conclusions on a player’s performance. That being said, I really want to with Drew. He looks more focused and comfortable than he did at any point last year. And it’s not just that he’s getting hits; it’s the way he’s doing it. He’s raking the ball to right and driving outside pitches to left center. After a year and change, it’s nice to take a break from Drew bashing and be able to appreciate what $14M a year gets you these days.

(Note: As much as I’m trying to stay optimistic about JD, here’s a quick reality check: At this time last year, he was hitting .393.)

Celtics News of the Week:

Um… there is none, because admittedly, I probably haven’t watched more than 10 minutes of their last four or five games (somehow I think Comcast is getting by without me ).

Hey, I love this team as much, or more, than the next guy, but after all we’ve been through this season, isn’t it kind of depressing to spend your Tuesday night watching Tony Allen and Eddie House play a combined 63 minutes? In fact, give me a ring when the Playoffs start -in the meantime I’ll be off watching this Dino Radja highlight video on repeat.

(Note: Volume is a must for this one. As is an appreciation for workman-like low post moves and soft teardrop layups. I also thought the comment section on the bottom was pretty terrific)

Link of the Week:

http://www.snotr.com/embed/612

Bet you thought Dino was it, but no, it gets better. Behold… this guy! The first time I watched this video I was pretty sure this guy was full of shit, but after watching again, I’m starting to think that maybe his moves are legit. Either way - from the absurd nature of his trick shots (like when he decides to shoot the ball over a barn) to his legendary wardrobe (in consecutive scenes he’s wearing a t-shirt tucked into shorts with black sneakers and white socks, a United We Stand t-shirt and, lastly, a pair of sweatpants that seem to have come with built in knee pads) - this is one of the most absurd things I’ve seen in a while.

Prediction of the Week: Bruins lose 4-1

I felt bad about not mentioning the Bruins at all, so in the fiercest of backhanded compliments, I will grant them their debut spot in Wicked Weekly but will do so under the pretense that they will be eliminated in the first round of the playoffs.

(I will also set the record for most times using the word “will” in a single sentence.)

See you next week.

Rich Levine is a sports writer for the Improper Bostonian Magazine.

Things I’ve learned this week

There are nice things about having the Internet on your cell phone

There are also about 10 things that bother me about this commercial. For one, the dude clearly hits the letter H instead of a B at the beginning of basketball. Also, the bet in question is the equivalent of the guy in Seinfeld betting Elaine that Dustin Hoffman was in Star Wars. Anyone in a position to place a wager on this topic knows that Kareem is the all-time leading scorer, or at the very least would remember that it was him the first time someone brought his name up as a possible answer. I’m embarrassed to admit how much longer I could write about this ad. I just don’t like it, which is weird because I feel like I’m the target audience. I don’t know, maybe that’s why I don’t have an iPhone.

That’s my Kenyatta, always peein’ on people

I need to scratch those plans to dress up as a squirrel on Opening Day at Fenway

Michael Jackson’s not going to buy that property in Arkansas after all

The Shaquille O’Neal "Wait, You Know It Isn’t 1999, Right?" Award of the Week: Pedro Martinez

I understand how Pedro going on the DL is newsworthy, but I didn’t realize we still lived in a world where Pedro pulling his hamstring required its own box on ESPNews, prominent position on espn.com and lead story on Baseball Tonight.

You can’t tell me the Mets were expecting THAT much from a 36-year old pitcher with a history of injuries, who hasn’t won more than 10 games since 2005 and finished the 2007 season with a fastball that topped out at 89 MPH. There’s no way. But listening to Karl Ravech and the boys breakdown the state of the Mets, you would’ve thought Johan Santana was out for the year and David Wright and Jose Reyes were last minute additions to the Mitchell Report.

At this point, making a big deal about Pedro going on the DL is like freaking out every time Mark Cuban gets fined or Pacman Jones paralyzes a bouncer. It’s going to happen, so there’s no need to treat it like the Michael Vick dog fighting case.

(Note: Lost in all the mayhem over Pedro’s injury, is the fact that he’s only going to be out about six weeks. That means he’ll be back in the middle of May! The season won’t even be two months old! But even then, I refuse to admit that the organization has any serious expectations of him being a semblance or even a shadow of his former self.)

Winner of the Week: Theo Epstein

This isn’t necessarily a result of anything Theo did this week, but more of a retroactive award – which seems timely with the start of a new season and the section that you just read above – in recognition of two of the most controversial decisions of his tenure: Not resigning Johnny Damon or Pedro Martinez. At the time, the backlash from the fans and media – especially with Damon – was pretty intense, but now, looking at the potential shape of the team had Theo caved to the pressure and signed them for big money, it’s obvious that he made the right call on both counts. Wiith Pedro on the team, the Sox probably don’t trade for Josh Beckett (which means no Mike Lowell), they maybe don’t go after Dice-K as hard and, given Petey’s relationship with Curt Schilling, maybe Curt wouldn’t have stuck around as long as he has. Those were your top three starters from last year’s World Series.

And how about Damon? With him around we definitely wouldn’t have moved for Coco Crisp, but more importantly, how would his presence have affected the progression and maturation of Jacoby Ellsbury? Does he come a long as early and as strong if

Damon’s blocking the way?

Loser of the Week: Glen "Big Baby" Davis

This one hurts because I’m a huge Big Baby guy, but after this week it’s clear that he’s the odd man out in Doc’s playoff rotation—that’s not to say he won’t have the random 20-minute game, but most of his minutes are now headed to Leon Powe, who’s earned every one.

What’s worse – as far as Big Baby goes - is that I really don’t dig the Mohawk, mostly because he looks just a little too happy with himself about having.

Every time the camera’s on him he puts on this goofy look that says, "Hey! Why are you taking my picture? Oh wait. I forgot, I have a Mohawk! Haha"… BBD, we know you didn’t forget. I’m not saying he only got the haircut for attention… but he only got it for attention. This is fine. We all know the kind of dude Big Baby is – that is, the kind who probably has the tendency to take his shirt off at parties and dresses in drag every other Halloween - and we love him for it. It just seems like a weird time of the year for anyone, especially an inconsistent rookie, to be messing around with funky haircuts.

(Note: I’m just nitpicking here. I couldn’t care less about Big Baby’s Mohawk. I’m just ready for the playoffs to start. The anticipation is killing me, and the merry go round of awful opponents down the stretch this month isn’t helping matters.)

(Note 2: What’s it say about the name Glen that there are two guys with that name on the Celtics (Doc and Big Baby) but both developed nicknames so powerful that Glen became irrelevant? Throw in Glenn Ordway (The Big O) and Glenn Robinson (Big Dog) and we could have the makings of some groundbreaking stuff right here. Granted former Astros/Orioles slugger Glen Davis didn’t have a nickname, but maybe that’s why you can buy one of his Starting Line Ups on Ebay for less money than you can a Steve Guttenberg 2007 Donruss card - which in and of itself is one of the funniest things I’ve come across in six months.

Results are inconclusive right now, but if Glenn Dorsey gets slapped with a big time nickname in the next year or so, it might be worth revisiting.)

Loser of the Week Runner-Up: UMass

If second place is the first loser, then what do you call 67th place?

Link of the Week: Mr.T "Treat Your Mother Right"

In honor of Big Baby’s mohawk, here’s a Grammy Award-worthy performance from the man who defined “mohawk cool” back in the 80s. I was going to give some commentary on this video, but I think it’s better to just let it speak for itself.

”Prediction For Next Week” of the Week: Kevin Youkilis will make an error.

Hot off last week’s historic “Every No. 1 seed will make the Final Four prediction,” I’m predicting the end of an era. That is, the end of Youk’s errorless game streak. He broke the record in relative obscurity (yes, I know that nothing down under the umbrella of Red Sox Nation is ever done in obscurity, but no one was making a big deal about it, even in the game or so before the record fell), but now that everyone’s talking about it, it seems like the right time for it to come to an end. That’s how these things usually go. I’ll also add a degree of difficulty, by predicting the error comes on a questionable throw from Julio Lugo.

It’s annoying and elitist to refer to a player as an “All-America.” And yes, Jim Nantz, I’m talking to you. “Ahhh, Tyler Hansbrough, the Tarheel All-America… It’s been a tough first half thus far for the junior All America… Tyler Hansbrough… All-America… Tyler Hansbrough… All-America.” Just say All-American, professor. No one’s impressed by you.

When people talk about Dwight Howard as the eventual greatest big man of the next 15 years, they need to start including Amare Stoudemire in the discussion.

Sam Cassell’s career stats are significantly more impressive than Doc Rivers’. I always assumed they’re numbers were a lot more even, although Doc does have a distinct advantage in the Daisy Duke column.

It is impossible to get that excited about the NFL Draft when there’s a 90% chance your team is trading its first pick. (Add an extra degree of difficulty if it’s been two months since the Super Bowl and the mere thought of your team still give you heart palpations.)

Everyone talks about how thin and inexperienced the Yankees starting rotation is, but until Dice-K starts showing a little life (more on that below), the Red Sox staff isn’t much better

Denny Crum’s toupee is the Mona Lisa of hairpieces.

Question of the Week

Here’s what I was asking Monday night during the Celtics/Sixers game: Who’d you rather have playing center for the Celtics right now: Kendrick Perkins or Samuel Dalembert?

And here’s my breakdown of the two in casual, incomplete sentence form:

Perkins
Pros: He’s a bruiser. Won’t get out muscled by anyone. Impressive rebounder. On the verge of becoming a very serviceable NBA defender.

Cons: Doesn’t bring much to the table offensively. Is absurdly slow. Cannot, under any circumstances, catch a basketball.

Dalembert
Pros: Superior offensive skills (inside and out). Terrific shot blocker. Athletic, high-energy guy. Has been known to sport an afro.

Cons: Is relatively fragile. Hefty contract. T in last name is silent and thus annoying. Looks a little bit like Jerome Moiso.

My buddy Nick had a great response to my annoying question: “I’d take Dalembert on Perkins contract.” That pretty much sums up where I stand. Dalembert’s clearly the more talented guy, but his contract is absurd. In a perfect world (where money isn’t a factor and I’m married to Sienna Miller), I think he’s the easy choice, although you probably could make a decent argument that with KG already owning the paint, Perk, the stronger and more physically reliable guy is better for the Celtics situation. That’s cool, but I’m still taking Dalembert.

(Note: I’d like to congratulate Perk for being the first three-time Wicked Weekly winner. He was the winner of the week in WW1, the look-a-like of the week in WW2, and now this. Congrats, buddy. A donation has been made in your name to my bookie. Beat Hornets by more than six and a half points tonight and your donation doubles.)

(Note 2: Wicked Weekly Winner is a legit tongue twister. It took me three tries to even type it correctly. Go ahead, five times fast.)

Loser of the Week: Daisuke Matsuzaka

I hate jumping to conclusions (unless you’re talking about the interactive board game, but after one season (plus one start), I’m starting to have serious doubts about Dice-K. It’s not a question of talented; he’s obviously talented as hell. But there’s a mental aspect to succeeding in the majors; a necessary and borderline unhealthy level of confidence that no matter what the situation has you thinking “There’s no way this guy’s getting a hit off me.” Dice-K’s not there. He’s afraid to throw certain pitches in certain spots at certain times, and you need to do that to win. Instead, he nibbles around the plate, walks too many guys and throws far too many pitches. How are you going to be a premiere pitcher when you can’t ever make it into the seventh inning?

There were four guys who started for the A’s on Tuesday morning who I’d literally never even heard of before, and Dice-K was pitching around them like they were the Bash Brothers. It’s not time to give up on him (that would be ridiculous), but I think it’s crazy to evaluate the Red Sox chances of repeating under the assumption that Dice-K’s a dominant major league pitcher, because right now he’s not even close.

(Note: In researching this anti-Dice K rant, I looked at Hideki Irabu’s career stats to see if there were any similarities between the two rookie campaigns—thankfully there weren’t. But I did come across this transaction:

December 22, 1999: Traded by the New York Yankees to the Montreal Expos for players to be named later and Jake Westbrook. The Montreal Expos sent Ted Lilly (March 17, 2000) and Christian Parker (March 22, 2000) to the New York Yankees to complete the trade.

It’s hard to call this a steal for the Yankees, considering neither Westbrook nor Lilly did anything in pinstripes, but remember, this trade took place after it was already painfully (or awesomely, if you were a Red Sox fan) obvious that Irabu had no business in the majors. How could the Expos give up that kind of talented for such an obese slob? Eight years later, Lilly and Westbrook are still pitching (and pitching pretty well), while Hideki appeared in a total 14 games for the Expos (2-7 with a 6.68 ERA) and now manages a chain of “Adult Video and Accessories” stores in downtown Montreal*.

Incidentally, the Yankees batted .500 in eventual trades involving Westbrook and Lilly. They turned Westbrook and Ricky Ledee into David Justice (who helped them win in 2000) and swapped Lilly for Jeff Weaver (who helped them lose in 2002 and 2003).

*Unconfirmed.

Winner of the Week: Rajon Rondo

Part of what made the Celtics Texas/New Orleans road trip so exciting was watching Rondo go head-to-head with three of the best point guards in the league—Tony Parker, Jason Kidd and Chris Paul. Throw in Wednesday night’s match-up against Steve Nash and the Suns, and that’s four games in about a week against the league’s elite.

Here’s how he fared:

March 17: San Antonio Spurs:
Parker: 17 points, eight assists, four turnovers, five rebounds, two steals
Rondo: 20 points, three assists, two turnovers, six rebounds, three steals

March 20: Dallas Mavericks:
Kidd: 2 points, nine assists, three turnovers, 11 rebounds, two steals
Rondo: 0 points, three assists, five turnovers, one rebound, three steals

March 22: New Orleans Hornets
Paul: 19 points, seven assists, two turnovers, three rebounds, two steals
Rondo: 23 points, seven assists, three turnovers, four rebounds, two steals

March 26: Phoenix Suns
Nash: 12 points, nine assists, one turnover, two rebounds, zero steals
Rondo: 14 points, six assists, one turnover, six rebounds, one steal

Wow, that Mavericks game was gross, but when you look at the bigger picture, this was a defining stretch for Rajon. (Especially when you consider the age factor. He’s 13 years younger than Kidd, 12 years younger than Nash, four years younger than Parker and even a year younger than Paul.) Rondo’s 22-years old. His shortcomings are magnified because of the unbearably bright spotlight he operates under, but bottom line: He’s doing things right now that guys his age simply aren’t supposed to do.

(Note: Despite all his greatness, I’m wildly uneasy about the recent coverage of Rajon’s love for roller skating. I’m not afraid he’ll get hurt, I just don’t know who I feel about grown men who own roller skates. Would I rather he rollerbladed? Tough question. Probably not. I don’t trust roller bladers either. Maybe I need to forget this story ever happened and just convince myself that Boston’s point guard of the future really spends his off-time playing Halo and texting hot chicks instead of requesting songs for the couples skate at Roller World in Saugus.)

Link of the Week:

Rajon this is the risk you take when you become “a roller skating guy.” It’s not too late to turn things around, buddy.

“Prediction for Next Week” of the Week:

All Four No. 1 seeds make the Final Four

Take it from MJ: There are no Cinderellas.

Of course, me writing this increases the chance of Memphis or Kansas getting eliminated tonight (or another upset going down this weekend) by 10-fold, but I’m sticking with my gut here. For the first time ever, all four No. 1 seeds are heading to the Promise Land.

(Note: This is the only time the city of San Antonio could or will ever again be referred to as the Promise Land.)

See you next Friday.

Rich Levine writes a sports column for the Improper Bostonian Magazine

• Dale Arnold should stick to hockey.

• Bobby Knight should stick to coaching.

• Dennis and Callahan should stick to holding out of their contract.

• Curt Schilling REALLY liked Doug Mirabelli

• Despite all the fan fare, it’s either the Lakers or Spurs coming out of the West.

• I don’t want to draw the 76ers in the first round of the NBA Playoffs.

• I should stop using words like “I” and “we” in reference to the Celtics. The only way “I’d” ever draw the 76ers in the first round would be if the organization made the ill-fated decision to scrap the annual team photo in lieu of a Rich Levine original. (Note: If I were commissioned to draw the 76ers team photo, I would 100% add one of those rainbow beanies with the pinwheel on top of Shavlik Randolph’s head. When it comes to art you just have to go with your instincts.)

Random Thought of the Week: How strange is it that Dick Vitale’s never called a Final Four game?

The man is essentially the face (or at least the bald head and mouth) of college basketball, yet he’s never sat on the sport’s greatest stage. It’s like if Marv Albert never called an NBA Finals, or John Madden never called a Super Bowl. You know it kills Dicky V. not to be there, in fact, I’m almost ready to guarantee that at the end of every season he brings home a copy of the National Championship game and records himself doing the color commentary over Billy Packer’s voice. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he also demands that his wife sit and do the play-by-play as Mike Patrick.

Dick: What a game!

Mrs. Vitale: Dick, can you please unlock the studio door, I’m tired and our grandkids will be here any minute!

Dick: I totally agree with you there, Mike! The Tarheels are awesome, baby! With a cap-it-al A!!

Mrs. Vitale: Dick, this isn’t funny. Let me out or I’m calling the cops.

Dick: The Dukies are absolutely scintillating, Mr. Patrick!! And guess what? Call the cops if you want, but you might be surprised to find that I’ve disconnected all our phone lines! Awesome, baby!!

Loser of the Week: The NIT

Is there a worse fate in college sports (aside from maybe being named Rick Majerus’ official lower back sweat dryer) than a bid to the NIT? No way. In fact, if I’m a head coach or AD at a random college and the NIT calls to extend an offer, I’m having my secretary send it straight to voice mail and then changing my number.

As I see it, there are only three potentially positive aspects to playing in this tournament:

1. Your school probably gets a decent chunk of change. But in the long run – when you consider the ridiculous amounts of money that these colleges and universities deal with – it can’t be that significant.

2. You extend the career of the seniors on your team. On paper, this sounds nice, but if I’m a senior who just spent the last four years busting my ass and waking up for 6 am practices while all my buddies sat around having a blast, playing video games and taking bong hits, do I really want the culmination of all that work to be some bogus consolation tournament? No thanks; I’d rather my lasting memory be that of me and my teammates killing ourselves to win the conference tournament.

3. You might get to play at Madison Square Garden. OK, this is kind of cool. Cooler than actually having to do it as a member of the Knicks.

Otherwise, the NIT is an abomination. If I were comfortable enough with you all to admit that I sometimes watch American Idol, I’d explain that my least favorite part of the show is when a competitor gets eliminated and is given one final opportunity to sing (more specifically, sing the very song that got them booted) in front of America. It’s like they’re saying, “OK, clearly you aren’t good enough to advance, so why don’t you go ahead and remind us why no one voted for you.” That’s the NIT. “Guys, you aren’t quite good enough for the real deal, but how about you put that mediocre brand of basketball on the display for us one more time. We don’t want to go forgetting how much you suck.”

I say best-case scenario you lose in the first round, and everyone forgets about you. Worst-case: You waste two weeks of your life playing games that nobody cares about in quest of a fake championship… and then everyone forgets about you.

And let’s say you do win the NIT, would you really have the nerve to celebrate it? As a coach, I’d tolerate a light celebration. A couple of high-fives here, a fist pump or two there. But if I saw even one chest bump, I’d lose it. I’d kick the guy off the team. We would not celebrate mediocrity in my program. In fact, if my team ever won the NIT, I’d have them running suicides no later than 15 minutes after the game. More than anything, I’d feel embarrassed.

(Note: The only thing weaker than the NIT? Losers who waste 500 words killing it.)

Winner of the Week: The Celtics Bench

Here’s a conversation I remember having with a friend at the beginning of the season (Some aspects of the dialogue may have been fabricated to provide the conversation with better closure):

Me: Hey friend, do you ever foresee a time this year, assuming that the entire Big Three is healthy, when at least one of them won’t be on the floor?

Friend: No.

Me: Me neither. Let’s go get some pizza.

Fast-forward to last night and the Celtics opened the fourth quarter of a tight game in Dallas with James Posey, Leon Powe (a reserve duo that’s been dubbed “The Po-Po” by my boy B), Sam Cassell, Eddie House and P.J. Brown. That struck me as weird, but what I found even weirder was that I really didn’t have any problem with it. Sure I was wondering when the starters would be back, but I was hardly panicking.

With the five that were on the court, plus Tony Allen and Big Baby, Doc Rivers now has seven reserves that he’s comfortable turning to. Obviously, not all these guys have reached the level where you can count on them every night: Big Baby is still overwhelmed at times. Eddie House is either very hot or frigid. Tony Allen plays like Latrell Sprewell one night, and Lamar Latrell the next. But considering the general negativity surrounding the Celtics bench heading into the season, the fact that we’re (there I go again), the fact that the Celtics are now coming down the stretch with a serviceable bench, is a serious accomplishment for Danny Ainge and the front office.

Look-A-Like of the Week: Are we sure Kendrick Perkins real name isn’t John Thompson IV? I’ve tried this out on a couple other people, and they don’t necessarily the see the resemblance as much, but I swear Perk and John Thompson III are twins. Or at the very least, 23-year-old JT3 looked a lot like Perk does now.

“Prediction for Next Week” of the Week: The Sox will go 0-2 in Japan.

It only makes sense. This entire endeavor has been a disaster. Forget the ridiculous “almost boycott” (it’s not that I don’t think the coaches deserve the cash, it was just an overly dramatic scene), the fact that they lose a start from Josh Beckett as a result of starting the season so early or that there’s an 85% chance that Julian Tavarez gets abducted by an underground ninja cult while he’s over there. Do you realize that the team left for Japan on March 19, and won’t be back home in Boston until the night of April 6? Over that time they’ll be playing two exhibition games in Japan, two real games in Japan, three more exhibition games in Los Angeles, two more real games in Oakland and then a tough three-game series in Toronto. It’s absurd. Dropping both games in Japan would be the scatological icing on the cake. I guarantee it’s a long time before Boston ever takes another trip like this.

Link of the Week:

After that depressing note, and in honor the Sox trip to Japan, here’s a martial arts-themed blooper reel to lighten your sprits.

See you next Friday.

Rich Levine writes a sports column for the Improper Bostonian Magazine

Click here for a printable bracket

FELGER BRACKET

Joe Haggerty vs Tony Massarotti
Mike Felger: Tony Maz — Hags lucky to make the big leagues out of camp
Gary Tanguay: Sorry Joe. I like your blog name better (Hacks with Hags) but Mazz wrote two books.

Donny Marshall vs Tommy Heinsohn
Felger: D Marsh — I’m new shool on this one
Tanguay: No way. I am not touching this one.

Michael Silverman vs Marc Spears
Felger: Silverman — tight one among the quiet men
Tanguay: The playoff bound Celtics help Mark Spears. Mike misses Pedro.

Andy Gresh vs Don Banks
Felger: Gresh — Banks is giving up a lot of weight
Tanguay: Love Done Banks…great knowledge however need to go with the size of my radio brother…THE GRESH MONSTER. Plus he needs the work.

GARY BRACKET

Steve DeOssie vs Scott Zolak
Felger: DeOssie — more rings than Zo
Tanguay: The best match up. Look for Zo to pull out the six guns and win the show down.

Fred Smerlas vs Ryen Russillo
Felger: Russillo — have to go with my ESPN home boy
Tanguay: Fred is more cuddly. It’s a hair thing. Body hair that is.

Sean Grande vs Michael Holley
Felger: Holley — tight battle of WEEI men
Tanguay: Great opens by Grande. But, like Mazz Holley has written two books.

Jon Meterparel vs John Tomase
Felger: Tomase — Herald the paper of record in this town
Tanguay: After spygate are you kidding? Sorry John Tomase.

TANGUAY BRACKET

Jeff Goodman vs Mike Gorman
Felger: Gorman — the institution advances
Tanguay: Goodman can still play the game but no one calls a game like Mike.

Greg Dickerson vs Dave Briggs
Felger: Dickerson — got to stay in the family
Tanguay: Briggsy pulls the upset and Greg deals with it by going shopping.

Pete Sheppard vs Tom Curran
Felger: Curran — Tom E. emerges from the bloodbath
Tanguay: Both are funny. One intends to be. With the Big Show political machine behind him you have to go with Pete.

Laura Behnke vs Gerry Callahan
Felger: Callahan — a No. 16 seed has never beaten a No. 1, right?
Tanguay: I am going for the underdog and aren’t there more liberals in NE? Sorry Gerry.

MIKE BRACKET

Bob Beers vs Glenn Ordway
Felger: Big O — sorry Beersie, the B’s stink
Tanguay: Love Beersy. If Glenn was a hockey player would he be Ordy? Big O checks Beersy over the boards.

Sean McAdam vs Rob Bradford
Felger: Bradford — another Herald homie
Tanguay: Sean, the potential speech writer for Hillary or Obama vs. The author. Bradford by a nose because people actually believe Mike Lowell likes him. Believe what you want.

Steve Bulpett vs Dale Arnold
Felger: Bulpett — see above
Tanguay: If it was last year, Bully would be toast. However, writing about KG can increase your chances. Timing is on Bully’s side and he upsets Dale.

Cedric Maxwell vs Paul Perillo
Felger: Max — too much firepower for Pauly Paul
Tanguay: Quack Quack Quack. I still don’t know what the #@$% that means.

First, a real quick bit about me: I’m a five-time Emmy Award winning Dorchester native, who for the last 27 years has served as the voice of the Boston Celtics where… crap, that’s Gorman’s bio. Here’s me:

I’m a lifelong Bostonian.

I’d rank my Boston sports teams like so:

1. Celtics
2. Patriots
3. Red Sox
4. BC
5. Bruins

My three favorite Boston athletes of all time are mid-90’s Nomar, present day Tom Brady and 1989 Nick Esasky – I have absolutely no explanation for this last one, but because of Nick I’ve always had a special place in my heart for people with Lyme Disease).

The only three local athletes I’ve ever openly and aggressively booed are Vin Baker, Mark Blount and Reggie Jefferson. And I’d probably still boo today if I saw any of them walking down the street (or in Baker’s case, passed out under a bathroom stall).

I was there to see Jordan drop 63 on the Cs in 1986; Reggie Lewis collapse against the Hornets in 1993; Vinatieri beat the Rams in 2002 and Papi beat the Yankees in 2004. A couple weeks ago I was there to accidentally see Kendrick Perkins naked in the Celtics locker room.

So, yeah… enough about me. Let’s get on to the weekly.

Loser of the Week: Yankee Stadium

I feel like I should be happy about an NHL game potentially serving as the farewell event at Yankee Stadium. It would be a hilariously pathetic farewell, but deep down (real deep), don’t you think it deserves better? When it comes to the Yankees, you can hate the players, hate the owners and hate the uniforms all you want, but Yankee Stadium should get a free pass. Think about the storied history of this Red Sox/Yankees rivalry, through all the years, the only two constants (aside from Johnny Pesky, who actually predates the rawhide baseball) have been Fenway Park and Yankee Stadium, and to see one of these institutions close down – even if it’s the beloved home of the Yankees – is at least slightly depressing. I’d like to see the old park go out in style, and hope Yankee fans would feel the same if, say, John Henry announced next week that Fenway would be knocked down after this season, but not before hosting a farewell Maroon 5 concert from atop the Green Monster.

Do I think there’s even a remote chance a Rangers game will be the final chapter in the history of Yankee Stadium? No way, but the fact that the organization publicly announced that they’re even considering it is a slap in the face.

(I know this is supposed to be about sports, so I couldn’t get away with giving Eliot Spitzer this award, but here’s a question: After seeing the photos of Spitzer’s prostitute, do we think he’s more worthy of Loser of the Week or the Winner of the Week? Sure, career’s over, family life’s a mess, public disgrace, etc., but you saw the photos, right? OK, I’m kidding, but seriously, did you see her?)

Winner of the Week: Kendrick Perkins

I’ve been anti-Perk all season. I thought he was a marginal defensive player who stalled the offensive when he had the ball and clogged the lane when he didn’t (these last two things might still be true). But going back to his 20-performance against the Pistons, followed by his six block first half against the Sixers, Perk is finally showing signs of establishing himself as a more-than-serviceable compliment to KG in the post.

If I’m Doc, here’s how I handle Perk for the rest of the season. Everyday after practice, I sit him down and play him this…

Sometimes I make him watch it twice—if only for McHale’s quick put back at about the 1:19 mark.

“You see what he did there, Perk? Watch. Arms go up. Arms grab ball. Now here’s the tricky part. Bear with me. Arms STAY up. Arms dunk ball. Got it?”

Maybe this wouldn’t help right away, but after a month or so, it might start to sink in. Just think about how easy of a concept this is: When you get the ball up high, do not bring it down low.

Will keeping the ball up turn Perk into Kevin McHale? Not in a million years. It probably won’t even turn him into Kevin Duckworth (Tubby had a sweet touch), but this mental block (and that’s all it can be at this point) is costing Perk and the Celtics at least six to eight points a night and it’s got to be fixed.

(Note: I’ve watched this McHale video about 15 times and I’m not even close to bored. Half the time I’m in awe of the absurdity of his low post creativity, and the other half I’m in hysterics over the absurdity of his shorts and armpit hair.)

Link of the Week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt5JH1CRpkQ

I think I’ve found the program that might finally help keep Big Baby under 300 pounds. If Will Jones can’t do it, I’ll just about lose all hope.

“Prediction For Next Week” of the Week: A 3-1 Celtics road trip.

Maybe not the boldest statement when you consider team’s currently 51-12, but the fact that next week’s trip features four games in six nights against the Spurs, Rockets, Mavericks and Hornets, makes it slightly more of a stretch. The one loss will be to Dallas, which is funny, because I’d probably rank Dallas as the weakest team of the four, but I think they’ll catch the Celtics at a good time—coming off tough back-to-back wins against Houston and San Antonio.

See you next Friday.

Rich Levine writes a sports column for the Improper Bostonian Magazine