A Few things I Learned This Week

It’s annoying and elitist to refer to a player as an “All-America.” And yes, Jim Nantz, I’m talking to you. “Ahhh, Tyler Hansbrough, the Tarheel All-America… It’s been a tough first half thus far for the junior All America… Tyler Hansbrough… All-America… Tyler Hansbrough… All-America.” Just say All-American, professor. No one’s impressed by you.

When people talk about Dwight Howard as the eventual greatest big man of the next 15 years, they need to start including Amare Stoudemire in the discussion.

Sam Cassell’s career stats are significantly more impressive than Doc Rivers’. I always assumed they’re numbers were a lot more even, although Doc does have a distinct advantage in the Daisy Duke column.

It is impossible to get that excited about the NFL Draft when there’s a 90% chance your team is trading its first pick. (Add an extra degree of difficulty if it’s been two months since the Super Bowl and the mere thought of your team still give you heart palpations.)

Everyone talks about how thin and inexperienced the Yankees starting rotation is, but until Dice-K starts showing a little life (more on that below), the Red Sox staff isn’t much better

Denny Crum’s toupee is the Mona Lisa of hairpieces.

Question of the Week

Here’s what I was asking Monday night during the Celtics/Sixers game: Who’d you rather have playing center for the Celtics right now: Kendrick Perkins or Samuel Dalembert?

And here’s my breakdown of the two in casual, incomplete sentence form:

Perkins
Pros: He’s a bruiser. Won’t get out muscled by anyone. Impressive rebounder. On the verge of becoming a very serviceable NBA defender.

Cons: Doesn’t bring much to the table offensively. Is absurdly slow. Cannot, under any circumstances, catch a basketball.

Dalembert
Pros: Superior offensive skills (inside and out). Terrific shot blocker. Athletic, high-energy guy. Has been known to sport an afro.

Cons: Is relatively fragile. Hefty contract. T in last name is silent and thus annoying. Looks a little bit like Jerome Moiso.

My buddy Nick had a great response to my annoying question: “I’d take Dalembert on Perkins contract.” That pretty much sums up where I stand. Dalembert’s clearly the more talented guy, but his contract is absurd. In a perfect world (where money isn’t a factor and I’m married to Sienna Miller), I think he’s the easy choice, although you probably could make a decent argument that with KG already owning the paint, Perk, the stronger and more physically reliable guy is better for the Celtics situation. That’s cool, but I’m still taking Dalembert.

(Note: I’d like to congratulate Perk for being the first three-time Wicked Weekly winner. He was the winner of the week in WW1, the look-a-like of the week in WW2, and now this. Congrats, buddy. A donation has been made in your name to my bookie. Beat Hornets by more than six and a half points tonight and your donation doubles.)

(Note 2: Wicked Weekly Winner is a legit tongue twister. It took me three tries to even type it correctly. Go ahead, five times fast.)

Loser of the Week: Daisuke Matsuzaka

I hate jumping to conclusions (unless you’re talking about the interactive board game, but after one season (plus one start), I’m starting to have serious doubts about Dice-K. It’s not a question of talented; he’s obviously talented as hell. But there’s a mental aspect to succeeding in the majors; a necessary and borderline unhealthy level of confidence that no matter what the situation has you thinking “There’s no way this guy’s getting a hit off me.” Dice-K’s not there. He’s afraid to throw certain pitches in certain spots at certain times, and you need to do that to win. Instead, he nibbles around the plate, walks too many guys and throws far too many pitches. How are you going to be a premiere pitcher when you can’t ever make it into the seventh inning?

There were four guys who started for the A’s on Tuesday morning who I’d literally never even heard of before, and Dice-K was pitching around them like they were the Bash Brothers. It’s not time to give up on him (that would be ridiculous), but I think it’s crazy to evaluate the Red Sox chances of repeating under the assumption that Dice-K’s a dominant major league pitcher, because right now he’s not even close.

(Note: In researching this anti-Dice K rant, I looked at Hideki Irabu’s career stats to see if there were any similarities between the two rookie campaigns—thankfully there weren’t. But I did come across this transaction:

December 22, 1999: Traded by the New York Yankees to the Montreal Expos for players to be named later and Jake Westbrook. The Montreal Expos sent Ted Lilly (March 17, 2000) and Christian Parker (March 22, 2000) to the New York Yankees to complete the trade.

It’s hard to call this a steal for the Yankees, considering neither Westbrook nor Lilly did anything in pinstripes, but remember, this trade took place after it was already painfully (or awesomely, if you were a Red Sox fan) obvious that Irabu had no business in the majors. How could the Expos give up that kind of talented for such an obese slob? Eight years later, Lilly and Westbrook are still pitching (and pitching pretty well), while Hideki appeared in a total 14 games for the Expos (2-7 with a 6.68 ERA) and now manages a chain of “Adult Video and Accessories” stores in downtown Montreal*.

Incidentally, the Yankees batted .500 in eventual trades involving Westbrook and Lilly. They turned Westbrook and Ricky Ledee into David Justice (who helped them win in 2000) and swapped Lilly for Jeff Weaver (who helped them lose in 2002 and 2003).

*Unconfirmed.

Winner of the Week: Rajon Rondo

Part of what made the Celtics Texas/New Orleans road trip so exciting was watching Rondo go head-to-head with three of the best point guards in the league—Tony Parker, Jason Kidd and Chris Paul. Throw in Wednesday night’s match-up against Steve Nash and the Suns, and that’s four games in about a week against the league’s elite.

Here’s how he fared:

March 17: San Antonio Spurs:
Parker: 17 points, eight assists, four turnovers, five rebounds, two steals
Rondo: 20 points, three assists, two turnovers, six rebounds, three steals

March 20: Dallas Mavericks:
Kidd: 2 points, nine assists, three turnovers, 11 rebounds, two steals
Rondo: 0 points, three assists, five turnovers, one rebound, three steals

March 22: New Orleans Hornets
Paul: 19 points, seven assists, two turnovers, three rebounds, two steals
Rondo: 23 points, seven assists, three turnovers, four rebounds, two steals

March 26: Phoenix Suns
Nash: 12 points, nine assists, one turnover, two rebounds, zero steals
Rondo: 14 points, six assists, one turnover, six rebounds, one steal

Wow, that Mavericks game was gross, but when you look at the bigger picture, this was a defining stretch for Rajon. (Especially when you consider the age factor. He’s 13 years younger than Kidd, 12 years younger than Nash, four years younger than Parker and even a year younger than Paul.) Rondo’s 22-years old. His shortcomings are magnified because of the unbearably bright spotlight he operates under, but bottom line: He’s doing things right now that guys his age simply aren’t supposed to do.

(Note: Despite all his greatness, I’m wildly uneasy about the recent coverage of Rajon’s love for roller skating. I’m not afraid he’ll get hurt, I just don’t know who I feel about grown men who own roller skates. Would I rather he rollerbladed? Tough question. Probably not. I don’t trust roller bladers either. Maybe I need to forget this story ever happened and just convince myself that Boston’s point guard of the future really spends his off-time playing Halo and texting hot chicks instead of requesting songs for the couples skate at Roller World in Saugus.)

Link of the Week:

Rajon this is the risk you take when you become “a roller skating guy.” It’s not too late to turn things around, buddy.

“Prediction for Next Week” of the Week:

All Four No. 1 seeds make the Final Four

Take it from MJ: There are no Cinderellas.

Of course, me writing this increases the chance of Memphis or Kansas getting eliminated tonight (or another upset going down this weekend) by 10-fold, but I’m sticking with my gut here. For the first time ever, all four No. 1 seeds are heading to the Promise Land.

(Note: This is the only time the city of San Antonio could or will ever again be referred to as the Promise Land.)

See you next Friday.

Rich Levine writes a sports column for the Improper Bostonian Magazine

One Response to “Wicked Weekly: March 28”

1. Uh. . . Mick Says:
   March 29th, 2008 at 9:02 am

   Your friend Nick sounds very prudent, learned and attractive.

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