Thoughts from the week when we learned that a five minute standing ovation can apparently erase 21 years of shame and embarrassment.

Strangest Threesome of the Week: David McCarty, Curtis Leskanic and Brian Daubach.

Honestly, what the hell was that all about? You’re celebrating Boston as the city of champions. You have a collection of ex-Bruins led by Bobby Orr, a group of Celtics led by Bill Russell and John Havlicek, and a group of Patriots led by Tedy Bruschi. And then, representing the 2004 Red Sox - the team whose title probably meant more to Boston than all the other combined - and you trot out Curtis Leskanic, David McCarty and Brian Daubach.

I’m guessing they didn’t make these arrangements anytime around April Fool’s Day, because if I’m Leskanic there is no way I’m buying this phone call:

“Curtis, baby. It’s the Red Sox. So listen, Opening Day, we’re having this big get together. We’ve got conformations from Bill Russell, John Havlicek, Danny Ainge, Bobby Orr and Tedy Bruschi, and, OK, we know this is a stretch, but we were kind of hoping you’d come represent the 2004 Red Sox. It only feels right. And if it sweetens the pot at all, you won’t be alone. We’re in negotiations right now to have David McCarty and Brian Daubach on board as well.”

Granted, this had to be a tough situation for the Sox. Anyone of significance from the 2004 team is still active and thus unavailable. But would it have been so bad to have Papi and Manny walk out with the trophy? Who cares if they’re still on the team? Or what about Schilling? He’s got nothing to do. For me, the ridiculousness of McCarty, Leskanic and Daubach actually put a little damper on an otherwise surreal ceremony.

It was like seeing Stone Temple Pilots, Pearl Jam and the Chili Peppers perform consecutively and then having the PA announcer introduce Nelson as the final act.

(Note: Do you think Ramiro Mendoza turned down the Sox invitation to come to Fenway, or was he next on the list if Leskanic said no? I want to go with the latter, but then again, Dauber had only 72 at-bats the entire 2004 season - and last played with the team on June 9 - so it’s not like you could have considered Mendoza a step down (at least he pitched in the playoffs) And worst case scenario it would’ve given us an excuse to yell, “Mendddddooozzzaaa!!!!” when they called his name.)

(Note 2: Just because there’s no such thing as too much Nelson.

Try to stick this one out as long as you can; it’s pretty hilarious all the way through. If anything, check out the move one of the guys pulls at the 2:08 mark.)

Loser of the Week: Fenway Park

I don’t need to explain all the things I love about Fenway; I love it for the same reasons as everyone else. But for all that the old park give us in the way of nostalgia, history and aesthetics, there are about 15,000 things about it that drive me nuts.

There’s the crappy seats, the lack of circulation that makes it impossible to get to your seats on time unless you arrive 40 minutes before the first pitch, the absence of interesting scoreboard statistics or gimmicks, the weak speakers, the new Alcohol Conduct Supervisors - a crew of dudes who look like a mix between Super Troopers and Koopa Troopers and walk around wearing bright yellow jackets and giving death stares to rowdy drunks.

The list goes on, but of all Fenway’s shortcomings, here’s what kills me the most: Replays.

When you’re at a baseball game (or any sporting event) the importance of scoreboard replays can’t be overstated. There’s a lot you miss sitting up in the stands. If a line drive down the line is called foul, you want to know exactly how close it was to being fair. If a pitcher walks a guy on a full count, you want to see exactly how much he missed by. If a runner is safe on a bang-bang play, you’d like to see exactly what happened (Was it a bad throw? Did he miss the tag?). Are these pieces of info a necessity to enjoying the game? Of course not, but the technology’s there; it makes for a better viewing experience; no one would be opposed to it. It’s an easy decision. Show more replays.

But unfortunately, the Red Sox treat the scoreboard at Fenway like they’re collecting clips for some middle school year in review highlight video. All they show are the hunky dory hometown cheerleader replays. Guys hitting homeruns, making diving plays, stealing bases, but there’s so much more that they’re neglecting to provide the fans.

Remember on Opening Day when David Ortiz missed a grand slam by about a foot down the right field line? Never saw it. The biggest play of a game I was at and I missed it. I didn’t see it live because my seats are about half way down the first baseline, and from that angle you can’t see anything that happens down passed Pesky Pole. That’s fine though. It’s one of the breaks of the park. But what isn’t fine is that because it’s not a rah-rah play, the Sox don’t feel the need to show it.

It doesn’t have to be big plays with either. In the second inning of that same game, Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers got called for a balk. At this point, I’d love to see exactly what he did to balk. But I’m sitting about 50 feet away. I can hardly make out his uniform number, so I’m sure as hell not able to determine whether he hesitated in his motion or was leaning towards first base when he threw the pitch. I just don’t see the harm in showing the fans what happened. It’s a lot more interesting than telling them for the fifth straight season that Kevin Youkilis played college baseball at Cincinnati or wishing little Timmy a “Happy 8^th birthday!!!” for the seventh time.

And what’s with refusing to reshow any even semi-controversial plays? Does the organization really think that Sox fans are so rabid that proof of a bad call will send all 35,000 into a psychopathic frenzy? Well, it won’t. Patriot fans are infinitely more intense than the crew you see at Fenway, and if a referee blows a call at Gillette, they’ll show it 15 times in a row. It’s part of the game, but sometime over the course of the wimpification of Red Sox Nation (where there are pink hats, shows called Sox Appeal and fake presidential elections), the team forgot that some people are at the game because they really like baseball and might want a little more than puppy dogs and ice cream.

(Note: One thing I love about Fenway this year? The hawk that attacked that girl a couple weeks ago. They may have done away with its nest, but Andre is definitely not done with Fenway. He spent most of Opening Day flying laps around the stadium and freaking out fans that were convinced they’d be the next victim. He’s got the potential to become one of the great characters in Red Sox history.

(Note 2: I’ve nicknamed him Andre in honor of the last great hawk to roam Fenway: Andre Dawson. Tell your friends.)

Winner of the Week: JD Drew

OK, it’s early. Anytime David Ortiz is hitting .083, Kevin Youkilis leads the league in triples and Josh Beckett’s got an ERA in the .900s, you can’t jump to any conclusions on a player’s performance. That being said, I really want to with Drew. He looks more focused and comfortable than he did at any point last year. And it’s not just that he’s getting hits; it’s the way he’s doing it. He’s raking the ball to right and driving outside pitches to left center. After a year and change, it’s nice to take a break from Drew bashing and be able to appreciate what $14M a year gets you these days.

(Note: As much as I’m trying to stay optimistic about JD, here’s a quick reality check: At this time last year, he was hitting .393.)

Celtics News of the Week:

Um… there is none, because admittedly, I probably haven’t watched more than 10 minutes of their last four or five games (somehow I think Comcast is getting by without me ).

Hey, I love this team as much, or more, than the next guy, but after all we’ve been through this season, isn’t it kind of depressing to spend your Tuesday night watching Tony Allen and Eddie House play a combined 63 minutes? In fact, give me a ring when the Playoffs start -in the meantime I’ll be off watching this Dino Radja highlight video on repeat.

(Note: Volume is a must for this one. As is an appreciation for workman-like low post moves and soft teardrop layups. I also thought the comment section on the bottom was pretty terrific)

Link of the Week:

http://www.snotr.com/embed/612

Bet you thought Dino was it, but no, it gets better. Behold… this guy! The first time I watched this video I was pretty sure this guy was full of shit, but after watching again, I’m starting to think that maybe his moves are legit. Either way - from the absurd nature of his trick shots (like when he decides to shoot the ball over a barn) to his legendary wardrobe (in consecutive scenes he’s wearing a t-shirt tucked into shorts with black sneakers and white socks, a United We Stand t-shirt and, lastly, a pair of sweatpants that seem to have come with built in knee pads) - this is one of the most absurd things I’ve seen in a while.

Prediction of the Week: Bruins lose 4-1

I felt bad about not mentioning the Bruins at all, so in the fiercest of backhanded compliments, I will grant them their debut spot in Wicked Weekly but will do so under the pretense that they will be eliminated in the first round of the playoffs.

(I will also set the record for most times using the word “will” in a single sentence.)

See you next week.

Rich Levine is a sports writer for the Improper Bostonian Magazine.

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